Not getting into a ‘man to man’ conversation may be an act of self-preservation, and may also entail that you act and talk in a submissive or child-like way.
One, of say two, antagonists adopting the more senior and intimidating role in a confrontation will usually mean that both will avoid a potentially dangerous situation.
I have always believed in the ‘leadership’ style of management.
This involves accepting responsibility for the outcome of any given task, but at the same time bringing your staff forward in respect of increased knowledge and experience gained through your leadership. With my preferred style this also means knowing when to have an ‘adult to child’ relationship, or an ‘adult to adult’ one. It goes like this:
1. Adult to ChildAdult: "That report must be on my desk tomorrow morning."
Child: "But I have to go out tonight."
Adult: "I don’t care, I want it by tomorrow morning or else."
2. Child to Child
Child 1: "I’m going to be in trouble if you don’t have that report ready by tomorrow."
Child 2: "Its not my fault, you never helped me."
Child 1: "It’s not my job and you never asked for help"
3. Adult to Adult
Adult 1: "Can you have that report on my desk tomorrow morning?"
Adult 2: "A bit of a problem, I have to take my wife out tonight for our anniversary"
Adult 1: "If we both come in an hour early tomorrow will we be able to finish it?"
Adult 2: "Yes"
Adult 1: "Good, see you then and have a great night"
The obvious approach to the ‘report on my desk’ scenario would be No3 (Adult to Adult) as this ensures the participation and effort of the subordinate member of staff in the task. But, No1 (Adult to Child) is also acceptable depending on the individuals involved.
The crux of this issue is that you are aware of the method you use: i.e. if you use ‘Adult to Child’ without consciously adopting such a manner you would have little respect for the staff involved. We all want to be asked to do things, to have a say, to input something to the task and to be respected as an individual.
However, many of today’s managers have little time for effectively conveying or delegating business tasks. Early mornings, desk-bound lunches and ‘stopping late’ in the office means little time for quality communication or presentation.
It is very difficult to ‘free up’ time in an under resourced environment, however by using the right words with an encouraging presentation (Adult to Adult) it will take the same time as dictating a key task in an ‘Adult to Child’ manner, with vastly different outcomes in performance and inter-personal relations.
Introduction
